It’s hard to believe that six weeks have passed since I met my beautiful rainbow baby. My last blog post featured Miss I’s arrival into the world after a fast and furious labour. If you missed her birth story you can read it here and here. The moments and hours after her birth were magical. When she was placed on my chest and we lay skin-to-skin, my heart swelled to the point of explosion. I soaked up her newborn smell and gazed in amazement as she slowly but surely made her way over to my breast and began gentle sucking. Isn’t it incredible the way babies instinctively know how to find the breast? We lay together like this for a few hours and I resisted separation. But I was a meconium-covered mess, so eventually I agreed to a shower. And how good that shower felt!
But the moment etched into my memory is when my girls came into the hospital the next morning to meet her. Mr NASD brought them in before school and Miss I was about 14 hours old. I heard them before I saw them; their excited giggles filled the hospital ward as they got closer to my room. And when they opened the door and I saw their little faces, flushed with excitement and awe, my heart melted. I felt more emotional then than I did when Miss I was born. It was an experience of pure, profound joy – a stark contrast to the grief when I miscarried and mourned not only the loss of the pregnancy but the loss of sharing my new baby news. My girls were giddy with joy as they each took turns in holding their baby sister. It was beautiful and the love in that room was, quite simply, mind blowing. I did wonder whether their excitement might wane and the novelty of having a baby in the family would be confined to a “honeymoon” period. But six weeks on their love is as strong as the moment that laid eyes on her.
So, what has life been like since we welcomed Miss I into the world and into our lives? Well, in a word – busy! I have been thrust back into newborn land where days are characterised by feeding, settling, changing and repeat! Life has followed a fairly predictable script. That is to say, life with a newborn baby is predictably unpredictable. I have been feeling all the feels, with my moods swinging as they do from euphoria to exhaustion and so much in between. On any given day I feel elated, exhausted, frustrated, excited, grateful, euphoric, and perplexed. I spent 80% of my time milking like a cow and Googling variations of “Signs of Colic”, “How to settle an unsettled baby” and “My baby has wind”. More on this aspect of new motherhood later…
But mostly, I feel so bloody lucky. I am not one to use the throw around the word “blessed” and I certainly never add #blessed to my IG posts, but I am struggling to find another word that accurately describes how I feel. I spend a lot of time gazing at this gorgeous baby (if I am not madly pacing in an attempt to settle her) and pinching myself at how lucky I am. It’s school holiday time in Australia, which means a reprieve from the madness of school and kinder commitments. We have nowhere to be and this frees me up to enjoy her more. Without the pressures of a strict routine I am able to linger over my cuddles, gaze at those teeny tiny toes, and delight in the magic of newborns.
This is not to say life is all rainbows and daisy chains. It hasn’t been easy. But mostly I feel relaxed about everything, and that includes the challenges. Perhaps it’s because she’s my rainbow baby and I worked so hard to get her. Perhaps it’s because she’s my last baby and I long to hold onto every moment. Perhaps it’s because she’s so darn adorable. Most likely it’s a combination of all these reasons that in spite of her aversion to sleep, I am embracing everything about this newborn stage (ok, well not absolutely everything!!). I love babies and I know all too well that their floppiness doesn’t last long. And this time I am fiercely guarding my time with her, and soaking up every ounce of newborn gorgeousness.
Life with a newborn: 6 weeks in stills
My darling Miss I,
Thank you for choosing us as your family. Thank you for choosing me as your mama. I have wanted you for a very long time. You complete our family and I will protect and support you always. I am the luckiest mama alive. I love you more than I can put into words.
Do you remember what the first six weeks was like with your newborn? Are you a baby person? I apologise if this post has made any ovaries explode! 🙂