Mother Guilt Archives - Not another slippery dip

Mothers need support, not condemnation

January 20, 2015 By Michaela Fox

A mother’s love. That is all.

Yesterday I overheard two mums in the park talking about how someone in their mothers’ group had her ten-week old baby on formula. Cue: gasps of horror. The tone of this discussion (read: bitch session) was condescending and judgmental. Their blatant lack of support for this woman was appalling. Their sense of superiority made me mad. Breastfeeding is neither heroic nor, mandatory. Mothers should not be shamed for feeding their baby, from nipple or teat.

Sadly, such criticism is nothing new. No other role in life is as scrutinised and criticised as motherhood. And new mums are easy targets. Every mother has a story about the unwanted “advice” from a relative, friend or even a stranger in the park. I remember my first trip to the shops as a first-time mum. A passerby stopped to admire my new born. But her admiration was quickly replaced by a series of rude questions. “Did you delivery vaginally?” she enquired. Stunned, I murmured I had. “Good,” she said, “much better for the baby.” I realised then I would need a tough skin as a mum….

Your new motherhood manifesto

July 6, 2014 By Michaela Fox

An ocean of baby books telling us how to parent

There’s an ocean of literature about all manner of things relating to parenthood. There are pregnancy bibles, labour guidebooks and the ‘what to expect when expecting’ books aimed at providing antenatal support for the expectant mother. Then there’s an entire library of books on how to actually raise your child. There’s also an exploding market in books about what to feed your child. But there’s not a lot written about how to survive and thrive as a mother. You hear it’s tough, often tiring and sometimes tedious (sometimes?) but you can’t understand it until you’re living it. Here are my tips for surviving and thriving motherhood….

Who is the perfect mum?

September 26, 2013 By Michaela Fox

After 32 hours, she arrives!

Mothering in the modern day is not easy. The pressure to be perfect is enormous. Every mother I know is trying to do the best by her children. Every mother I know is under pressure. Every mother I know feels at times that she is failing in a certain area. And every mother I know suffers from guilt from time to time. No mother I know thinks she is perfect.

So, who is the perfect mum and what does she do? Let’s have a look at the “profile” of a perfect mum. You may also know her as “Supermum.”…

My article discussed on the Today show!

May 5, 2013 By Michaela Fox

Here’s a little Sunday night viewing for you. Not long ago, an article of mine ‘Adequate: the new excellent for mums’ was published on Daily Life and the next day it was discussed on Channel 9’s Today show. It has taken me three months and about 30 emails to the network to track down this footage, only to discover that the host of the show, Karl Stefanovic, got my name wrong! Click here to view the footage and see Michelle Fox’s article discussed on “Girls on the Grill.”

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TemRHuOTDY]

Comparisons and complaints about motherhood

April 14, 2013 By Michaela Fox

Spinning in the garden

People are often quick to tell you that you haven’t reached the most difficult stage of motherhood yet.

As a first-time mother you devote all your time and energy to your newborn baby. It’s a steep learning curve and being responsible for a little baby is all consuming. I remember shortly after the birth of my first child someone declared, “Babies are so easy. Just wait till she’s mobile – that’s when things get hard.” It’s not the most encouraging thing to say to a new mum but unsolicited advice (and sense of entitlement) is part of the motherhood experience….

Judgment is swift…for mums

February 8, 2013 By Michaela Fox

It begins the moment you see those two blue lines. As you prepare yourself for motherhood, you also become the target of unsolicited advice, judgement and criticism. At no other time in your life, are your choices as scrutinised as when you become a mother.

Earlier this week the Australian media and general public has been in a spin since Chrissie Swan publicly “confessed” that she is still smoking during her pregnancy. For the benefit of my international followers, Chrissie Swan is a high profile radio presenter and television personality. The country has been polarised by her confession. Many people are horrified by her admission and have condemned her for committing the “unthinkable”. But there are also a lot of people expressing their support and empathy. After all, smoking is an addiction and nicotine is more addictive than heroin. It is never easy to give up, pregnant or not.

Not surprisingly, this story has unleased media frenzy and it seems everyone has an opinion about her actions. For me, it is just another example of how as a mother you are under continuous assault about your decisions….

Adequate: the new “excellent” for mums

October 26, 2012 By Michaela Fox

Cot day sleep

Twice in one day I heard the following comments from mums that are doing a great job looking after their families. “I am not the mother I thought I would be”, and “I feel like I am doing everything badly.”

My advice? “Lower your expectations.”

Whether you’re a stay-at-home-mother managing the infinite demands of family life, or a working mum juggling a professional life in addition to family responsibilities, the same sense of guilt pervades us all. We tend to feel that we could be doing things better – more books, less TV, more craft, less shouting at the kids, more nutritious meals, less sugar…. the list is endless.

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