Guilt-free Mothering Archives - Not another slippery dip

5 unexpected parenting perks

May 22, 2017 By Michaela Fox 4 Comments

Child’s play is a perk of parenthood

Kid wrangling is hard. It’s hard full time; it’s hard part-time. It’s hard, well, pretty much all the time. Ah yes, those little “bundles” of joy cost you physically, emotionally and financially. So, what are these little ankle biters actually good for? I’ve been a full-time mother for over eight years now, and I confess I sometimes contribute to the chorus of mothering complaints. But parenthood has some unexpected (and helpful) perks. Admittedly they may not be quite as exciting as the perks of my previous job (corporate travel, salary bonuses and after work drinks) but useful nonetheless.

Here are five clear perks of being a parent:

On-tap excuses

Kids provide a never-ending stream of excuses to get out of any obligation. Can’t be bothered going to your spouse’s boring colleague’s 40^th? Easy. “My child has gastro.” No desire to attend another family reunion? Easy. “My child has hand, foot and mouth disease.” Prefer your pyjamas and a DVD at home over dinner at your in-laws? Take your pick. Conjunctivitis, gastro and ear infections are plausible excuses and won’t be contested. After all, no mother wants you anywhere near her kids if you risk infecting them. Nap times, dirty nappies and pediatrician appointments provide acceptable reasons to make a quick exit – usually with little necessary detail. In fact, having kids means you never have to endure conventional society again if you so choose. They‘re also a legitimate excuse to get off the phone from telemarketers or politely close the door to Jehovah’s Witnesses. Just blame the kids!

Small talk has never been easier

You will never have to talk about the weather again. Without kids it can be a struggle to maintain idle chitchat with casual acquaintances. Now? Just mention sleep training or screen time to a fellow parent and neither of you will be able to shut up. Most people can talk ad nauseam about their little one’s latest developmental milestone; instant connection simply because you have both procreated.

Ego boosters

Kids are good for your ego. When you haven’t washed your hair in a week, and all the dry shampoo in the world isn’t helping, your kids will still think you’re beautiful. And, new mums can feel especially smug as they’re doing their bit to save the environment. After all, showers are no longer a daily ritual. And on the odd occasion you do ditch your “mummy uniform” and dress “up” (as I did for the first time in 5 months recently) they will gush at you like you’re a movie star.

And it’s not just skin deep. They think you’re clever, too. It actually feels like you’re really, really smart even when you haven’t the slightest clue about what’s going on in the world because you stopped reading the newspaper about the same time you traded in beer gardens for playgrounds! In their eyes, you are a genius.

It doesn’t take much to make my girls gush. Heels and makeup and I am apparently the most beautiful lady in the world!

Pole position parking

The ‘parents with prams’ symbol in the carpark. About the only symbol of power you get and a little rock-staresque! And let’s face it, this is darn helpful when you consider that a new mum loses half her life in shopping centres trying to keep Groundhog Day at bay. It’s nice to be rewarded with pole position when you’re about to spend more money at shops that aren’t for you (Cotton On Kids sound familiar?).

Child’s play

Colouring in, building Lego and playing with dolls all day is completely acceptable when you’re a parent. You can happily indulge your inner child, uninhibited and care-free. You get invited to parties with fairy bread, can hit the cinema to see kids’ movies, go on merry go-rounds, and embrace the freedom of being a child. With kids you’ve got the justification to let loose and enjoy infantile humour. Heck, you get to even act like a child sometimes, stamping your foot and saying things like: “You get what you get and you don’t get upset”. And Play School just got a whole lot more exciting with Eddie Perfect joining the team. But nothing feels more liberating than belting out the “Let it go” chorus, seriously believing that in that moment you are Queen Elsa; powerful, beautiful and free.

Or perhaps that’s just me……

What are some other parenthood perks? Hit me with more in the comments section below.

*This article first appeared on news.com.au

This is the only Birth Plan you need

October 2, 2016 By Michaela Fox

The best laid plans often come unstuck

Recently I overheard a new mum telling a friend that she felt she had “failed” in her birth plan because she accepted an epidural. Failed? Since when did childbirth come with a plan? It certainly doesn’t come with a reliable one! To feel guilty about birth – something most of us have little control over – is sad. How a woman gives birth to her baby is not a measure of her maternal performance. Just as parenting does not come with a manual, births and plans are highly incompatible.

I have given birth three times. As any midwife will tell you, every labour is different and this was certainly true for me. For my first labour I had a vague plan to manage the pain without assistance. I naively felt I was pretty good with pain. Little did I know my pain threshold would have a new barometer! I was induced a week after my due date and while the pain was immediate and intense, progress was slow. My labour lasted over 30 excruciating hours and resulted in a traumatic delivery, involving an epidural, ventouse, stirrups, and an almighty third degree tear. I took over six months to heal and had to undergo post-natal surgery to repair tissue damage. Emotionally, I felt wounded too. It wasn’t the experience I had imagined or hoped for….

Breastfeeding: Is breast always best?

August 23, 2016 By Michaela Fox

Is breast always best?

Recently I overheard two mums in the park discussing how someone in their mothers’ group had her ten-week old baby on formula. Cue: gasps of horror! The tone of this conversation (read: bitch session) was condescending and judgmental. Their transparent lack of support and sense of superiority was appalling. Breastfeeding is neither heroic nor, mandatory. Mothers should not be shamed for feeding their baby, from nipple or teat.

The chorus of “breast is best” is echoed everywhere. And with good reason. No one would dispute the countless benefits of breast-feeding, and breast is certainly the best “first choice” but formula is a fine second choice….

Why ‘good-enough’ parenting is good enough

April 19, 2016 By Michaela Fox

Good-enough parenting is good enough!

A couple of years ago I had somewhat of an epiphany. I was reading Sheryl Sandberg’s memoir, Lean in, a deeply absorbing read, and I came across this paragraph:

“Trying to do it all and expecting it can be done exactly right is a recipe for disappointment. “Aiming for perfection causes frustration at best and paralysis at worst.” As someone who strives for perfection in many areas of my life (professionally and personally), I am also happy to fall spectacularly short in other areas (such as dusting, folding fitted sheets and reverse parking).

The “Done is better than perfect” maxim is prolific on social media but it tends to be in more of a business context. It suggests that if the quest to do something perfectly inhibits you and interferes with you getting started, then it’s pointless. If I aimed for perfection in every blog post to go live on this site I would never post a thing. It’s usually after I have pressed ‘publish’ that the typos and grammatical errors become glaringly obvious!!…

15 random things I’ve learnt as a parent

March 20, 2016 By Michaela Fox

After 32 hours, she arrives!

The expression “nothing can prepare you for parenthood” is as accurate as saying that contractions hurt. Parenting is not easy. There is no manual or induction. You hit the ground running, without training but with full responsibility. And it can be a rocky ride. It’s full of startles and surprises, tangles and tumbles and heydays and greydays. I’m almost seven years into my parenting tenure and I have learned some valuable lessons on the job.

More insight than wisdom, here are 15 things I’ve learnt as a parent:

There is a pain worse than labour. Nursing a baby while nursing a hangover is agony and, like childbirth, seems never-ending. At least in labour, they offer pethidine! Most parents only have to learn this punishing lesson once. For others, common sense does not prevail!
Sacrifices are part of the job. Along with sleep, sex, pelvic floor and upright boobs, you also forfeit privacy and dignity. All personal maintenance is exhibited in front of an audience. Going to the toilet with an audience is your new normal. But you’ll be amazed at the endless uses your child can come up with for toilet rolls!
Expressions such as “You get what you get and your don’t get upset,” and “Say it again in a nice voice” form part of your vernacular. Curiously though, children only seem to respond to these magical words at kinder. Similarly, the clapping technique that teachers use to hypnotically get their attention does not work at home. I’ve tried. It failed.
Being a parent is a lifelong exercise in self-restraint. Swearing, while once a satisfying, knee-jerk reaction to outrage has to be watered down and replaced with child-appropriate expressions. For some, this is a hard habit to break. Ever wondered why so many kids’ first words are profanities. In my catalogue of early parenting mistakes, dropping the F-bomb ranks rather highly.
The enjoyment of parenthood is often eclipsed by pressure and expectation. Parents are judged hastily and unfairly. Block out the parenting noise and go with your own flow. Choose your own path. Accept drugs during labour, or refuse. Breastfeed, or don’t. Work, or stay at home. Neither of these choices makes you less or more a parent. Do what works for you. Do what works for your family.
Children are like vessels of karma. We get sent a version of ourselves and it can be very “revealing.” You’ll get a glimpse into your earlier self. Your mum may not have the most sympathy for your situation!
You become fluent in a different type of dialogue. Whereas you once talked about movies, restaurants, travel and even current affairs, you become conversant in a new mother tongue (pardon the pun). Sleep school, potty training, school readiness, and when to start solids are your new conversation topics.
Pap smears, day surgery, even a visit to the dentist qualifies as opportunities to lie down. You take it when you can get it…
You eat a lot of humble pie as a mum. You’ll bribe and bargain with your kids even though you swore you never would. You may have also said you’d always speak in a calm, quiet and controlled voice to make them see reason and logic? Yep, me too…
Fact. It is not possible to enjoy every single moment of parenting. NOT even close. Groundhog Day Syndrome is a reality for new mums. The early days can be made of up mind-numbingly endless days of singing “the wheels on the bus” on only two hours of uninterrupted sleep. And how much fun is it pushing a swing over and over and over again at an empty park in the middle of winter?
It’s not just sleep deprivation that causes fatigue. Floor fatigue, park fatigue and routine fatigue are all energy drainers. And it’s also all the thousands of tiny decisions you have to make on a daily basis. It’s exhausting being the family compass and conscience.
It’s a well-known parental law that when kids are quiet they’re up to mischief. But hey, that wall mural they just drew with crayons while you enjoyed an entire cup of coffee in one sitting is worth it!
Cakes are not a measure of parental love. Kids’ birthday cakes do not have to be Pinterest perfect. I’ve spent hours – actually days – assembling the perfect Princess Castle Cake but the one they declared “Best on ground” was the $5 chocolate mud cake from the supermarket.
There’s nothing like parenting to expose your limitations. We tend to feel like we should be doing more; we could be giving more; we could be teaching them more. But each of us is a flawed human being, except to our most important critics – our kids. Focus less on your shortcomings and play to your strengths.
Years really do disappear in a blink; time speeds up right at the time you want it to slow down. Except when they ask you do craft!!

Hit me with something you’ve learnt on the job. This is by no means an exhaustive list. Over to you…

*This article first appeared on Kidspot.

Are you following NASD on Facebook or Instagram? If you’re not, you really should be….

Why every mum needs to take a “mama retreat”.

January 10, 2016 By Michaela Fox

Time to relax and take leave from parenting…

As mothers we are skilled at many productive things, but we are especially skilled at putting ourselves last. We prioritise our kids’ needs ahead of our own, and we constantly look out for others, neglecting to replenish ourselves. We too often forget to fit our own oxygen masks.

It’s no secret last year was a rough one for me. I seemed to jump from one disaster or disappointment to another. I don’t want to bang on about it, as I don’t think it’s helpful to dwell on the negative, but I do think it’s important to listen to your body, and your heart, and recognise when you need a break.

Towards the end of the year I felt like I was going to combust. I felt drained; emotionally, physically and mentally. I went to my GP and asked for blood tests to try and uncover a medical reason for my unrelenting fatigue. The blood tests came back normal. I was disappointed. I wanted a medical explanation for it, like low iron. I’m a vegetarian after all so that would have made sense. But my lovely GP assured me that there was indeed a medical explanation for it. Exhaustion. Burnout. She suggested a strange concept called “rest.”…

NASD relaunches with elk giveaway & mixed bag of lollies

August 18, 2015 By Michaela Fox

Mixed Lollies

One of my happiest childhood memories is visiting the local milk bar (remember them?) with 50 cents to get a bag of lollies. I recall the great anticipation that led up to this moment; the shiny silver coins Mum would give me, and the yummy selection that promised to delight. I always had trouble deciding which lollies to buy, and inevitably ended up with a mixed bag. But I was never disappointed.

When I consider my blog, I liken it to a mixed bag of lollies. It’s not always bright, colourful and “fun” like a freckle. It is sometimes more of a banana, and other times just a plain old milk bottle. All the blogging experts (yes, there are blogging experts just as there are parenting experts) tell me I need to be just one variety. They say parents don’t want mixed bags, they want one flavour or things get too “confusing.” But I disagree. Where’s the fun in dipping into a bag of caramel swirls, when really what you need is the gummy teeth! As Forrest Gump famously said, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.”

It turns out I agree with Forrest Gump. Parenting is not all rainbows and daisy chains, much as the advertisers of nappy brands and cleaning products would have us believe. Just ask any parent of a two-year-old who has never slept through the night, given up their day nap, is refusing to toilet train and requires more tactical negotiation than the UN when you mistakenly cut their sandwich into triangles instead of squares!…

3 things that keep me centred when life gets tough

May 19, 2015 By Michaela Fox

Magnificent maple

The past few weeks have been tough for me. Actually, scrap that. The past few MONTHS have been tough. No, scrap that too. The past YEAR has been tough! A combination of unfortunate life events has made it a very stressful and difficult time and my emotions have been all over the place. My husband’s ongoing unemployment, financial stress, missed opportunities, family worries, the recent death of a very close family member, uncertainty around life direction, and that’s merely the short list. It has been a turbulent and uncertain time. And I don’t like uncertainty. I rather like to know what’s coming next. Stability. Structure. Purpose. Direction. This is where I am most comfortable. But sometimes life throws you some curve balls and you have no choice but to sink or swim. Here are three things that help me to stay afloat when I feel like I am drowning:…

How you can ‘Make a mum smile in May’ & fab giveaway

April 27, 2015 By Michaela Fox

Make a mum smile

May is a great month. Smack bang in the middle of autumn (the Fall for my northern followers) we celebrate Mothers’ Day (Sunday, 10 May). This significant day allows us to celebrate and appreciate the mums and mum figures in our lives. But this year, I want to think beyond it being just one day.

I am dedicating the month of May to kindness. I am dedicating the month of May to celebrating mothers. I am dedicating the month of May to acts of compassion. I am dedicating the month of May to….

‘Make a mum smile in May’.

…

Mothers need support, not condemnation

January 20, 2015 By Michaela Fox

A mother’s love. That is all.

Yesterday I overheard two mums in the park talking about how someone in their mothers’ group had her ten-week old baby on formula. Cue: gasps of horror. The tone of this discussion (read: bitch session) was condescending and judgmental. Their blatant lack of support for this woman was appalling. Their sense of superiority made me mad. Breastfeeding is neither heroic nor, mandatory. Mothers should not be shamed for feeding their baby, from nipple or teat.

Sadly, such criticism is nothing new. No other role in life is as scrutinised and criticised as motherhood. And new mums are easy targets. Every mother has a story about the unwanted “advice” from a relative, friend or even a stranger in the park. I remember my first trip to the shops as a first-time mum. A passerby stopped to admire my new born. But her admiration was quickly replaced by a series of rude questions. “Did you delivery vaginally?” she enquired. Stunned, I murmured I had. “Good,” she said, “much better for the baby.” I realised then I would need a tough skin as a mum….

Here are five clear perks of being a parent:

On-tap excuses

Small talk has never been easier

Ego boosters

Pole position parking

Child’s play

‘Make a mum smile in May’.

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