I can’t bear to break up with you face-to-face so I am shamefully doing it on social media. Apparently this is the new norm. It’s so “yesterday” to break up in person. Immediately after I post this, I will change my FB status, and everyone will know we are officially over.
I am not abandoning you forever. We just need to take a break, but it could be for a while. And it may be a cliché, but in this case it’s true: it’s not you, it’s me. You’ve done nothing wrong. Please don’t take it personally, although I know you will. How could you not? We’ve spent so many good times together. Every day I wake up and you are the first thing I think about. You are my rock. And you’ve got me through some tough times. You are reliable, strong, robust and so much more. You strengthen me, and inspire me. So why am I doing this? Well, before you ask is there someone else, I am going to come right out and say it. Yes, there is someone else….
And that someone is more important than you. Yes, I know that’s hard to hear, but it’s the truth. Believe me I haven’t come to this decision lightly, but I see no other choice. You are causing major problems in my life and you don’t even know it. In fact, I didn’t even know until recently. And we must go cold turkey. I have to stand on my own two feet without you so please don’t make this harder than it already is. I need to remove all evidence of you from my house, as reminders of you will only make me pine. I’m afraid I have to send you packing!
I know you’re going to demand to know who this other person is, and you have every right, so let me tell you. Adorable she may be, she is making my life miserable. I am in love with her, but she’s a writhing, wailing nightmare most of the time. She wakes, feeds, screams and screams some more. WAKE. SCREAM. FEED. SCREAM. REPEAT.
I have it on good authority that you are contributing to the problem. And sadly, I must give up our other close companion too. You see, coffee and chocolate are not compatible with a reflux baby. I don’t want to break up with you, but we must part ways for a while.
Remember, it’s not you – it’s me. Correction, it’s HER! And she’s got loud lungs. Like really, really loud lungs. And you are making them louder! I do hope our break is only temporary. I will miss you and I am longing for our reunion already.
Please don’t be mad that I am putting you in the shed. I will unbox you again one day. I still love you, but I love this wailing creature just a little bit more. I hope we can all live together harmoniously one day. Until then, there can be no further contact. It’s just too hard.
Please wait for me, Coffee Bean.
Always your faithful lover,
Mother of a reflux baby xx
Have you ever had to eliminate something from your diet? Hit me with your survival and substitute tips. It seems very cruel that a new mum should have to give up chocolate and coffee!!