An opportunity exists to work from home in a chaotic environment in the most demanding and challenging role of your life. Candidates must be willing to work on call, including frequent 24-hour shifts. Do not apply if sleep is important to you.
- You will be responsible for the physical, social & emotional development and survival of at least one other person.
- Conduct the same duties over and over and over again. Do not apply if you cannot endure Groundhog Day Syndrome.
- Tirelessly clean your workplace, which will resemble a war-zone. It will pose serious health & safety risks and your colleagues will show no respect for your belongings.
- Supervise, direct and coordinate internal and external events.
- Transport your direct reports to all activities, often several times each day.
- Conduct research and investigate new opportunities for growth and development.
- Establish and enforce communication protocols.
- Balance competing priorities.
Key Selection Criteria:
- High-level negotiation & conflict resolution skills. Previous experience working for the UN or in a crisis management organisation will be viewed favourably.
- Ability to maintain a complex calendar of events and conflicting schedules.
- Must be prepared to endure endless scrutiny, judgment, criticism and unsolicited advice from internal and external stakeholders.
- Show a willingness to take risks, think creatively and multi-task at all times.
- A willingness to sacrifice personal space, privacy and self-dignity.
- Must possess superior time management, organizational and leadership skills.
- Ability to take charge and resolve hostile situations with new and inventive methods
- You must possess the ability to find new ways of expressing anger without swearing!
- You will not be given any training. There is no manual or induction. You must be willing to hit the ground running.
- You will work around the clock and receive no compensation. There will be no opportunities for promotion. EVER.
- You will not be permitted coffee breaks, lunch breaks or “smoko’s”. Toilet breaks will be negotiated on a needs basis and will require thorough planning.
- You will not be thanked or sufficiently valued for your efforts.
- You will spend a large part of your day being shouted at, or shouting at your colleagues.
- When you think you have given all you’ve got, you must give more.
- Do not apply if you don’t deal well with chaos, disorder and mess
- Do not apply if you have needs of your own
- This is a permanent position. By accepting this role you agree to a lifetime commitment.
Previous experience: None that will help you!
The responsibilities listed in this Job Ad are by no means exhaustive. What is it missing? Would you apply if you saw this job ad? Please feel free to list your own key achievements in the comments section below!